you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
