I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
