Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
