im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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