your parents love me but you hate me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
