so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
