I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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