I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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