I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
