i think my tv is drunk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
