If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
