dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
