My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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