woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
