I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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