Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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