just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
