she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
