That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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