i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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