I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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