My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
