I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
