epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
