When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
