I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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