There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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