So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize