So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize