I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
