My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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