They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
