FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
