It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
