You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
