remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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