ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
