Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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