She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
