We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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