I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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