Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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