Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
