Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
