The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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