My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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