I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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