bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
