Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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