He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize