We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
