so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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