I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
