he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
