I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize