Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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