sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize