you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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