turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
