Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize