you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
