I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
