I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
