Where did you get a picture of my penis
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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