my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
