Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
