he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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