yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize