how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
