Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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