I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
