I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
