If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize