just tell him i said nine months
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
