if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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